Took a break

I took a short break, mostly because I was distracted and never have time to get on the computer upstairs. I’m always on my phone but that doesn’t help me write.

Today I have an extreme amount of anxiety. My counselor and I are working on my anxiety as it has been taking over my life.

Clark has a feeding team appointment today. I dread feeding team appointments especially when he’s sick and I don’t think he will eat for them. I’m hoping that he has kept some of the weight he has gained even while sick. Not only has he caught a cold but his stomach has been emptying really slowly, so he’s been on max laxatives.  This doesn’t make for a happy toddler.

I hear him stirring in his bed. So I guess his short nap is over.

 

This week is #feedingtubeawarnessweek. We are trying to make people aware and accepting of people with feeding tubes. I wrote a poem which I will post at the end.

Did I mention that Clark has turned 2? Well he has. He had an awesome birthday even if he didn’t feel well. It was Dr Suess themed. He had a gluten free, dairy free Cat in the Hat cake.  One of our friends has celiacs so we wanted to make sure everyone was able to have a slice of cake.

 

Joshua’s birthday is soon. He will be 6. He is having a power ranger party and he wants his party to be at grandma’s.  I’ve been trying to be more patient with Joshua. It’s been really hard. My counselor would like us to do some PCIT so I’m trying to see how long the wait list is for that.   My anxiety and bipolar disorder seem to conflict with his ADHD and sensory/anxiety disorder.  I tried to spend alone time with him yesterday but again Clark woke up from his nap. So I tried to play Power Rangers and divert a sick, whining toddler away from the Megazord. I had no idea what I was doing. We also tried to watch Minions together, but with his limited attention span I think we completed the first 15 minutes before he was done.

I have a lot more things rambling around in my head, like my thoughts on watching Clark grow, Joshua in school, BABIES, budgeting, anxiety disorder, blind belief and so on.

For another day, maybe.

 

Weary mother, long days
happy toddler
plays and plays
slowly growing, but growing nonetheless

calories, charts, percentiles
schedules, water, medicines
extension leaking
pump going beep, beep, beep again
unhook the toddler from his feed
let him stay in peaceful sleep

elecare, duocal, erythomycin
bags, gauze, extensions
mic-key, mini, syringes

worries and stress
Enough supplies?
supplies are delayed
granulation or prolaspe?
tube site is red
copay increase
don’t want to see the montly EOB

little toddler smiles at me

phsyical therapy, occupational therapy
feeding, speech and play too
I didn’t know I had this much time in a week
Did you?

Appointments and specialists
starbucks for mommy
Can’t go in the mall play area
You get sick every time

Toddler just wants to go “bye bye”

Weird stares
odd looks
pull out the feeding bag and hook up
He’s eating a cracker and drinking juice

He says “hi!”
No he doesn’t walk
Yes he’s two
It’s not sad, I promise you

A little bit of help from this tube
and he has grown up to age 2
A year of therapy
and he can eat!
Don’t you think that’s a marvelous feat

Mommy hates formula
and feeding supplies
Calling insurance
and parking fees
but I love the little toddler that smiles at me

Weary mother
long day
rock the toddler
say night night
turn off the light
prep the feed
say a little prayer that nothing leaks

For Clark, from Mommy

 

 

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