bipolar sucks





These three articles are important today. The first one because I like knowing the science behind the messed up chemicals in my brain. Also because it was something my psychiatrist talked to me about this week. The third article touches base on the chemicals that allow you to go from “arousal to panic.” Quite fascinating.

This week I was put on Lithium. I never thought I would be on Lithium. In my mind it was a last resort before all hell breaks loose. I probably felt such dread about Lithium because of all the horrible things I’ve heard about it. Then I remembered that I have read “Unquiet Mind” by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison about her trials with bipolar disorder. Lithium has been around since the 70’s and the only thing that really scares me about it is the possibility of toxicity and needing to be on it. Since the other medications were causing my platelets to drop I am left with Lithium, and since I need to intake more fluids on this medication I have started to undergo a lifestyle change.

You see when your body is in an almost constant state of hypomania and you are adding sugar and caffeine on top of that, you are at a higher threshold for panic attacks. While hypomanic your brain automatically makes chemicals similar to adrenaline. Hypomania is that slow destructive high that most bipolar people chase. The crash from it, however, is not fun. So while your body is at this higher threshold and it’s processing sugar and caffeine, little things can set off a panic attack. I was starting to have panic attacks because the list of things I needed to do that day were circling in my head and I was looking around my messy kitchen an hour before therapy feeling totally overwhelmed. Like my counselor said, imagine you are a soda can that is being slowly but constantly shook up. The more you pile sugar and caffeine into it the more it shakes. Eventually it’s going to pop.


So I am slowly lowering my sugar and caffeine intake. Withdrawals are a bitch.
I think I prefer my 7 piles of laundry over sugar detoxing. I’ve been trying to keep track of how active I am during the day with the S health app on my phone as well as inputting what I eat into the app to track calories. I need about 2,000 calories a day to gain weight. Yesterday I got in about 3,000 calories. I ate almost an entire pint of ice cream before bed.

I’m getting there with the sugar. I have switched from morning coffee to Yerba Mate tea. You may not want to irritate me first thing in the morning.

I bought a routine note pad to try to plan out my day better. It has sections for priorities for the day, a to-do list, water intake, notes, due dates etc.  I bought it on Amazon    I generally get off track with Clark and Nurse Jackie on Netflix..

Everything is a work in progress.



I had time to write today because Clark would not nap this morning so he wanted to go to sleep just as dinner was done. I was able to get a few things done earlier than usual since he was already asleep. I gave Joshua a good scrub in the bath and tried to work with him on reading his Batman books. I ended up getting frustrated because it doesn’t seem like he’s trying. Now I have some budget stuff to do, next week’s meal plan and to go to sleep a little earlier because we have an incredibly long day tomorrow.




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